You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
