I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
