O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
