he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
