and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
