That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Found your dick twin last night
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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