OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
