brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
