she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
