1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Is Oprah even human
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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