im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
