Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
