i need an iv and a liver transplant
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
