I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
