She announced her abortion via fbk
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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