I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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