Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
