He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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