Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
