I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
