he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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