i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
The ass gains better be worth it
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