she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
