that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
well you can't waste a boner
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
