Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
