I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
