so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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