I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You smell like a Billy Joel song
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
