guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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