I just saw a hot homeless man
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
This house was built for laser tag.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
