Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
