Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
