I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
