I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
