he wants to bone in the snuggie
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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