So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
