just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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