I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
