Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
