i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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