so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
