I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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