Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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