How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
