I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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