yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
