I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
