He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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