dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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