So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
worst night to have a conscience
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
