totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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