just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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