never play flip cup with pint glasses
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
