Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
