You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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