PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
